I used to care about what others say about me til I started paying my bills with their opinions.
what if there was a disease that kept you from ever having an orgasm ever again
That’ll be worse than cancer
Utah ape predicts Seahawks will win Super Bowl -
Gassy German cows blamed for barn explosion -
INSIDER: WHO REALLY BROKE UP THE BEATLES! -
I’m not much of a drinker. I rarely go out and get crazy on booze and shit. Primarily, because of one thing: Every alcoholic beverage tastes like ass to me —- and I mean all of them. So when I do go out, I don’t care what drink my friends hand me. I seriously can’t tell the difference between a brandy and a beer by taste. That’s why I get annoyed by TV commercials saying how this brand is crazy smooth while another is strong and just awesome. I honestly can’t relate.
I had my first drink back in high school, freshman year. We went to this beach. It was one of those undeveloped ones so we had to bring everything like, say, cooking ingredients, utensils, etc. Anyway, our group run out of water so I went to my brother’s. The thing is, he won’t give me some unless I take a shot of what they were drinking, so I did. And I remember feeling like Daenarys’ dragons just coughed into my mouth. You know those flame-throwing circus guys? That’s how I felt like, except, instead of the flame bursting out into the air, it went into my mouth and down my throat. Just imagine swallowing a peeled red hot chili pepper.
And it tasted shitty, too.
On our last year, we had a streak where we drank like 3 times a week ‘cause for most of us, it was gonna be the last few months we’re gonna see each other. I remember this one particular time when we were arguing what liquor to buy. One guy said, ” Let’s buy this brandy. It’s cheap. We can have more”. We were students. We didn’t have money. What we had was a product of smooth-talk and improvisation which our parents bought after hours of begging.
Another guy argued, “I say beer. It tastes like chocolate when it’s ice-cold”. And in my head I was like, “No, it doesn’t. Dude, what are you talking about? You liar.” Chocolate? Really? How come after awhile everyone goes nuts —- throwing up and talking like they’ve had horse tranquilizer shot. I don’t see that in a Goya or a KitKat commercial. And speaking of commercials, if beer tasted so good, there won’t be a “Drink Moderately” precaution at the end of its ad. #JustSayin
Now, they’re developing these “light” versions with a variety of flavors you can choose from, like pomelo, lime and apple which just proves my point. My friends had their own experimentation. They made this drink which was a mix of brandy, powdered juice drink and instant coffee mix. It tasted like strawberry syrup with a hint of bitterness but has this really icky texture. I’m not a big fan of mixing drinks to enhance the taste or the kick or whatever you alcoholics call it. I’m no Walter White when it comes to Chemistry, OK? I’ve had 3 units of it in college but that’s about it. I know though, that if you mix certain solutions together with different concentrations, or if It’s imbalance for some reason, it can result to a: hazardous smoke, a toxic mixture or, worse, it can explode!
So when my friend was doing the bartender thing, I was terrified. I was thinking like, “Dude, how did you know that a litre of this would be cool to mix with x grams of this? We went to the same high school and, no offense, but you didn’t fare quite well in Chemistry back then, why would I trust your shit? Is that even potable?”
Every time somebody makes me a drink or prepares me food that’s been improved/altered for innovative or creative reasons, I feel like they’re holding a grudge against me and they slipped something in it. Like they’re upset with me so they’re gonna poison me. I totally know one of the possible ways I’m gonna die, by the way. Judging by the people I hang out with, they can take me out by one drink, one day.
When I got into college, I’ve met new people, had new sets of friends who naturally, have different liquor preferences. So while they do all the “brainstorming”, I just sit back and relax. I know I’m gonna chug the shittiest beverage I’m gonna have for the next few hours so what’s the point in arguing what level of shitty I prefer? I know it’s not supposed to taste like Sprite, or, whatever the version of bacon is for drinks. You don’t go out to bars for sugar but, please, enough of these exaggerated and unrealistic TV ads.
This is why I don’t understand the Lohans of the world. I have nothing against them, I just don’t get their way of thinking. People have been saying that it’s some sort of escape or coping mechanism for them but if I’m filthy-rich, I would buy shit I can actually hold and enjoy for a long time. Man, I’d spend so much on gadgets and food more than anything else.